Abraham Lincoln and the Ghetto Blaster.

Ah! It is good to get back to the blog. It is a very theraputic excercize - it helps me forget about the fact that I just shaved my brother's back.

Anyway, this is going to be what we like to call a megablog. I suppose now would be an appropriate time to clarify the meaning of the prefix mega-. Here's how I'm going to tackle this one...

The 2 Meanings of MEGA

1. The Abraham Lincoln Meaning.
Right up there with John Bobbit, Honest Abe is one of the most influintial people in American history. If you don't agree with me, I will punish you. I haven't decided how I will punish you, but I'm pretty sure it will involve a combination of Sour Kraut, scissors, sandpaper-like hotel room toilet paper, and Janet Reno (ex-Attorney General of the United States).


I bet, if she tried, she could bite straight through a mighty rain-forest tree with those impressive teeth. I would kill to have her beautiful teeth and crooked smile (which, by the way, I find quite seductive).
Anyway, back to good old Abe. Okay, the reason he is MEGA is because he did two amazing things for America. Not only did he play a large part in stopping the American slave trade (to my understanding, at least), but he single-handedly introduced the Ghetto Blaster. As I was researching, I found this picture in the historical archives of America.

It is hard to believe, I know - but since you heard it from me, you know it's fact (because I'm awesome. Let me put it this way - Ken Jennings polishes my toenails every night and reads me Boxcar Children books as I drift into my slumber).

At any rate, all this to say, MEGA can mean the same thing as "awesome" or "RaDiCaL!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL LOL!!!!11111" (hopefully some of you will be able to appreciate the last one - it's art).

2. Another meaning of MEGA is displayed in this picture:


So, as you can tell, MEGA doesn't have to be describing a good thing. In fact, the above pictures is probably one of the most awful things ever created. I am afraid that if I ever have a child, that terrible machine will be at the hospital waiting to eat my firstborn.

Do you understand? I hope so.

MOOOOOVING ON...

It is now time to tackle an extremely important issue...that's right!!! You thought it was only a one-time deal? NO! Folks, I am turning this into a TWO PART SERIES!!!


EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ISSUE: TECHNOLOGY THAT SCARES ME SO MUCH, I FEEL COMPELLED TO RIP OFF BOTH OF MY EYE BROWS AND GLUE THEM TO MY UPPER LIP TO MAKE A BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHE

1. Lasik eye surgery.
Okay...I am having a hard time understanding this. "Hmm...I have bad eyesight. How should I solve this problem? Oh, maybe I will have someone shoot a laser straight into my eye. That should make my eyes work better."
As far as I'm concerned, lasers belong in one place, and one place alone: the Deathstar. If you want Darth Vader to fire the Deathstar into your tender retna, that's fine with me, but I'm not going to agree with your ludicris decision.

2. The Gillette Fusion
As if 3 blades weren't enough, apparently Gillette decided that we, the people of the United States of America needed a 5-bladed razor to shave our faces with. As far as I'm concerned, Gillette has created the most terrifying murder weapon imaginable.
On a lighter note, I was doing a little bit of research and found an interesting article...check this out...

"In response to the arms race between Gillette and Schick, a new variation of technological singularity has been proposed. After the invention of the safety razor, it took 75 years for the second blade to be added, then only 15 for the third, and one for the fourth and fifth. Using static analysis, this perfectly matches a hyperbolic curve which reaches infinity in 2015, predicting therefore that by then razors will have an infinite number of blades."

Incredible. Sick.
But seriously - check this out.


Well, I would continue ranting, but I am getting extremely tired. I have been working on this for a good while now. Because I am cutting this one short, I will have to make it up to y'all by upping the frequency of my posts. I'll make sure to post again within a week or two.

Anyway, I'd like to leave you all with one last thought:

BATMAN IS THE WEAKEST SUPERHERO EVER
(So weak, in fact, that I had to write his name in purple).

Okay, I know there are many of you that would argue that he's the coolest because he's a self-made superhero. Yeah, those of you that hold that opinion are probably the same type of people who enjoy tapioca pudding and listening to Kenny Rogers.

Anyway, it is my view that Batman could easily be defeated by any other superhero, including the Green Lantern. In fact, I could competely destroy Batman, and that's quite a slap in the face, considering the fact that I am regularly beat in arm wrestling matches by 80-year old women. Oh yeah, and what a lame name...BATMAN!? Seriously. If it was up to me, his name would have been "Extremely Scary Bat Monster". Sounds better to me.

Seriously. Give me a break, Batman. You're a failure. If your parents were still alive they would probably just disown you.

Does anyone agree with me?!

G'night. Thanks for readin'.

Fear Not...

Many of you have come to me crying (literally) because it has been months since my last blog (Jon Morton). Well, I'm here to tell you that my blogging days are NOT over. I have just been extremely busy. With what, you might ask.

Well, I have spending my months tracking down James Blunt. I will not rest until both of his legs are broken.

At any rate, I have no time right now to write a blog, but you can expect a megablog within a week or so.

My apologies for the delay.

Matt Huber out.

If I Could Challenge Einstein to an Intellectual Battle, He'd Cry & Spend All of His Money on Vending-Machine Jewelry to Mend His Damaged Self-Esteem

You may feel as if the title gives me too much credit. But if you think it does, you're stupid. Check out this picture. I did that with my mind. The guys in the background made me really mad and I decided to smash their car with my amazing telekinetic mind powers.



Anyway... In this post, I am going to tackle a very important, pressing issue that we, as human beings in 2006, face every day.


EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ISSUE: LOVE

For thousands of years, philosophers, intellectuals, and poets have been trying to understand love. I don't understand it completely, but I do believe that I can make some valid points that will bring us a little closer to understand this thing called LOVE. If you would like to pick up my book (which I wrote at the age of 8 for a home-school assignment), email me and let me know. Here is a picture of me at one of my book-signings:



First, we must define love.

I went to www.urbandictionary.com, and I got this definition.
"Love is nature's way of tricking people into reproducing".

I don't think that writer knows what he is talking about. I think he's just bitter because he just got out of a bad relationship. Here's what probably happened in his relationship. This is just a guess, but judging by his comment, I think I am about 99% correct.
He started dating a girl named Sherri. Now, Sherri really likes guys who can do really cool things like spinning on their head, skateboarding, or eating tons of hotdogs all at once like that Asian guy I saw on TV. Well, this guy decided that he needed to learn how to do something really awesome. So, he decided to devote his time to eating things that should never be consumed by a human being such as:

1. Surgical razor blades
2. An entire ant-farm
3. A 5-gallon bucket of sand
4. 90 pounds of bologna

Well, after consuming the above, his stomach exploded for unknown reasons.
While he was in the hospital, he found out that Sherri was dating a criminal named Chris Kemp. Apparently she was impressed with his beautiful forehead and his ability to rob houses while wearing the owner's mother's clothing. Amazing.


And that's why this man is bitter, and why he wrote that definition.

But yeahhhhh... Moving on..

So we've defined what love isn't, to a certain degree.
So what is love?

1. Love is a game. Much like baseball, ping-pong and boxing, it's all about competition: winning and making your opponent look like a fool. You just can't let someone like the same person you like and get away with it!!!

2. The more you cry, the more you love someone. If you don't cry when the person you are in love with forgets to say goodbye to you, you probably aren't in love. I cry every hour on the hour while I'm in love with someone. I am so in love with people.

3. Love has a lot to do with writing nice letters (this one is for guys). If you can write a letter that makes a girl weep upon reading it, you're in luck! Being in love will be very easy for you. Check this letter out. I wrote it and gave it to my most recent love. You can't say that this letter isn't touching. Just a suggestion from a pro here...make sure to slip in at least one heart in each letter (check out the "O" in the word "to"). That kind of thing makes anyone's heart explode with love and affection. It's just cute.


This brings me to my next point.

4. If you can't constantly buy your love things, you probably aren't in love. Buy them ANYTHING you can get your hands on. Some objects have much more love-worth than others. I have developed a way to calculate the love-worth of an object. This is essential!

Object's size (measured in centimeters cubed) x Price of object (in Yen) = Love-worth

5. Sometimes, arrange a date, and don't show up. This makes you mysterious and more desirable. You have to be careful with this one, though. It can easily backfire. Always remember, if you don't show up, make sure you aren't doing something with another person instead. This is a big no-no and will cause problems. My friend made that mistake once, and received the following response as a result:

Luckily, she wasn't mad at him that time. But the following time, he made the same mistake and both he and Charlene got slapped in the eye.

Well, there you have it. Follow my simple guide-lines and you will most definitely have a successful dating life!

Signing out,
Matt

When I Play Scrabble, There is Always Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

Before I begin, I think some people owe me an apology. I don't usually take the "I-think-people-treat-me-like-trash-because-I-am-used-to-
being-treated-like-Julius-Caesar" route, but you'll have to excuse me.

So, without further ado...

THE SHORT LIST OF PEOPLE WHO OWE ME AN APOLOGY
1. Diamond, the maker of strike-anywhere matches. I am so sick of them insisting that one can ignite these matches on any surface. Its a LIE. I demand a disclaimer on the box stating all of the places these alleged strike-anywhere matches WON'T light. For instance, the following surfaces fail to ignite the matches:
- Potatoes
- My greasy forehead
- Aaron's unibrow
- The surface of water
- Ice
- The tail of a mighty lioness
I attempted all of the above, and I was so disappointed that the match would not light that I cried and then slayed a small dragon. I swear, you, Diamond, will face the same fate as the dragon if you aren't pro-active about this issue.

2. Those who pester me about updating my blog. I have been very busy. Let me give you a peek in on my daily schedule. Brace yourself...its brutal.
1:45 pm - Struggle to get out of bed
1:50 pm - Shave my legs
2:00 pm - Begin my gluttonous breakfast
4:30 pm - Finish eating breakfast, take a shower to wash all of the butter off my upper body.
5:30 pm - exercise
5:31 pm - Take a cool-down shower
6:00 pm - Read sophisticated literature (I just finished "Berenstain Bears and the Homework Hassle")
8:00 pm - Finish book, go to bed

So, you can see how it is very difficult for me to find time to blog!

3. George W. Bush. I thought that I may as well jump on that train. No real reason. I guess I just wanted to be like everyone else who thinks that Bush is ruining their lives. Because, after all, it IS Bush's fault that cute, fluffy seals are being slaughtered and that Tom Cruise is a freakin' maniac.

-------------------------------------------

At any rate... enough of that.

Well, I was at the mall with a couple of friends of mine this last weekend, and witnessed the most ridiculous situation.
We were at a Chinese food place in the mall. Well, this obnoxious black woman in front of us (God bless her) begins getting irate because she can't understand what the kind Asian lady at the counter is saying. Well, the hilarity is in the fact that, while the lady at the counter was speaking somewhat broken English, the black lady was speaking in thick ebonics. Can you say LOST IN TRANSLATION?! Irony! Hehe...ebonics. So much fun. I tried to speak in ebonics while on the OSU campus, but ended up offending a bunch of huge black men who ended up gang raping me. Lesson learned!

Well, I have a lot of mental and intestinal baggage right now, and since I am having troubles with the whole intestinal thing, I am going to end this post with a section I will call:

When I can't push it out the buttocks, it's gonna come out the mouth (I feel like I am running a huge risk of conveying multiple meanings here):

Did you know that Prince is a Jehovah's Witness? I just learned that today. Maybe that's why the man can dance so well.

95% of Americans unknowingly suffer from Gum Disease. I am pretty sure that is a lie. If it isn't though, we have a serious problem on our hands.

Pat Robertson has done some good things for the Christian faith, but he's been saying some really freakin' ridiculous things lately. For example... "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up". Hmmm....nuking the State Department...okay?

Ravi Zaccharias is really amazing. Think Christianity lacks in the philosophical/logical field?! Please do yourself a favor and listen to some of his online audio... www.rzim.org.

I got a nosebleed today and put an entire tissue in my nose.

Some guy spent his spring break at Wal-Mart. That's right, this guy's mission was to find out whether Wal-Mart ALWAYS has low prices and did so by staying at Wal-Mart for 40 some hours. Check it...

So I am getting hungry and tired. I think I am going to go climb in bed and enjoy an entire sugar-cream pie.

Semi-Derogatory Term of the Day: Bingo Wings

Haha. I am still laughing. Well, I just heard someone use the term bingo-wings. Apparently, bingo-wings are the flabby under-arms that most older folk sport. The hilarious things that could be said...


That aside, today I learned several important facts of life:

1. The range of an Asians' vision is, in fact 360 degrees. Yet another reason Asians are superior to us white-folk (they are also unstoppable mathematicians, invisible fighter-ninjas, and excellent at time-traveling and making tasty chicken-based foods).
2. I am most productive when submerged in 200 degree bath water for long periods of time.
3. A narthex is an enclosed entrance to a church, not a part of the human urinary system.
4. It is not cool to wear huge boots in public. Yes, I am talking to you, girl who thinks she's uber-trendy and sexy. Today I saw a girl wearing huge shorts and a heavy jacket and then a pair of massive UGG boots. Give me a break... before you know it, girls are going to start dressing like Joyce, the famous composer of many early 80s thrash metal hits. I just picked up her record today. Hopefully this will get you excited enough to go out and buy it yourself...just a preview of just how brutally rockin' her music is...

Well, today I took a quiz in Calculus (at OSU) and did very poorly. I have been brooding over this test for hours now, and it has put me in a stabbing mood. I just want to stab things - it really doesn't matter WHAT I stab... though it would be very pleasing to stab a giant or an elephant, or maybe even a bear. So, I realized that if I were to stab something as large as a giant or bear, I need a pretty sweet knife. So, I did a Google search, and I found the solution...

Heck yes. Yes yes yes. Ohhh yeah. Just by looking at this picture, my impulse to stab has been satiated. Well, this guy's name is Harry Saarinen. He's some crazy guy (who usually sports a massive afro) who make things that are just HUGE. It doesn't matter what it is. Do you want him to make a huge knife? DONE. How about a huge tuna fish? DONE. Carrot? DONE. Any other useless huge item? DONE. You just don't mess with someone like Harry. I wouldn't put it beyond him to get furious and make a monstrous spoon and spank your little pansy tuckus.

Well, I should really be going now. But before I go, I would like to apologize for a bit of a misunderstanding. I was not LITERALLY swamped with coursework as I said in my previous post. That would mean that I was submerged in coursework, which is highly unlikely. I have been swamped with some very interesting things in my life-time (like human filth and a cleaning solution called "Orange Force") but never been literally swamped with coursework.

Hope y'all can accept my apology.

Fare thee well.

A short post describing why I haven't posted in many days.

So, you are all probably wondering where I went.

I'll just go ahead and summarize what has happened in the past 15 days.
Summary
1. I have been deeply reconsidering my college/career plans. I concluded that my motives were selfish - my plans were not rooted in the will of God.
2. I have been literally swamped with my college coursework, from studying for exams to homework.
3. I work whenever I am not at school.
4. I sleep whenever I don't have to study, don't have school and don't have work.
5. I adopted 16 apes and I am currently teaching them how to play Candy Land.

That leaves....Uhhhh zero time for the most important part of my life...blogging.

So, my apologies. I plan on resuming my normal posts as soon as possible.

On the brighter side of things, I have achieved several incredible feats:
1. I made a 90 degree turn (at 35 mph) in my car using my knee alone.
2. All 3 of my meals today consisted only of cake and cookies.
3. I inhaled liquid soap through my left nostril by accident and spent about 5 minutes flushing it out with water.
4. I ran 1/32 of a mile without running out of breath or convulsing.
5. I have been lifting huge weights, killing people and tanning constantly. Here is a recent picture of me (I took it 2 days ago after working out for 12 hours straight).



I can't believe how incredible I am. Especially that whole running thing. Bring it.

Well, I really can't stay online any longer.
mmmmmbop.

I Should Have Known.

My sincere apologies go out to all of my blog viewers. I feel like I have failed you all by not updating every 2 days. I have truly been so busy that I have contemplated quitting school and quitting my job and spending the rest of my life eating puppies and kittens while drawing caricatures of old women at a county fair.

Well, I wasn't going to post tonight. That was until I heard a knock on my door. I didn't think that there would be a legion of flying monkeys waiting on the other end. I should have known... Well, my brother has been obsessing over this blog, and apparently he has gotten furious at the fact that I haven't updated it in a while. I don't know where he got the flying monkeys... I am guessing they lived in the forest of what we call "Aaron's hairy back". Just a guess though. I'm pretty sure that this is exactly what it looked like from his end:

So needless to say, I will retaliate (There is a good chance that I will outline my plans of retaliation in my next post). I'm just sick of Aaron taking advantage of me in every way.

So, I had an interesting experience on Sunday. Apparently, I am what most people would call a flaming-homosexual-dude-magnet. I mean, it's just about getting ridiculous these days. It seems that I can't step out of the front door without a gay man telling me freaky things like "I want to be your first kiss" or "let's go cook a gourmet dinner together". Well, at any rate, back to the story.
Well, I am with my good friend, Chelsea Martin (see post #1 for a little bit of background there...). We are at the Easton Mall doing some sale shopping. Come to think of it, before I continue, I want to clear something up...a personal view, if you may.

I was reading the Bible the other day and I found something rather startling: According to the Scriptures, Abercrombie and Fitch is, in fact, the dwelling place of those who perished in the firey destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. As you may remember, Abraham found only one man worthy of being spared. His name was Lot. The rest were obliterated. Their souls now freely roam Abercrombie and Fitch. Additionally, the actual gateway to Hell is located somewhere in the men's section near the jeans.

Just wanted to make sure you are well-informed. Tim Lahaye, one of the authors of the Left Behind series, told me today on the phone that he is revising all of his books to accomodate my new findings.

Well, that aside...

So, we find ourselves at the Express store at Easton. I glance into the store, and see that they are having an "END OF THE SEASON FINAL CLEARANCE SALE!". Well, as soon as I saw the signs, three things happened simultaneously:

1. I started crying out of sheer joy.
2. I soiled myself not once, but twice.
3. I danced my pants off (see below for exactly what the situation looked like).

Well, as I danced my pants off, I must have gotten the attention of a certain man who worked at Express - as soon as I entered the store, this man (whom we will call Stephan from here on out. Please note, it is pronounced with emphasis on PHAN. Try saying it now...StePHAN.) approaches me and asks:

"Would you like me to help you find the right sizes?"

Well, of course I would. This guy most likely lives at Express - he probably knows the store as well as he knows every crevice of his chisled body (I will go ahead an apologize to any of the homo-sensitive men reading this post - particularly Aaron Huber and Chuck Norris).

I spend a good half hour looking through all of the clothes, while my helpful assistant gathers clothing for me and offers his opinions. Well, while I am off looking at jackets (or something along those lines) Stephan apparently approached Chelsea. I am later informed of the following dialogue:

Stephan: So, did he drag you along as his shopping buddy?
Chelsea: No, he didn't force me to shop with him, I came willingly.
Stephan: Oh that's good. So is he your boyfriend, or what?
Chelsea: Haha... No, we're friends.
Stephan: Even better!
(Stephan walks away, Chelsea realizes what's going on and hurries to me).

Chelsea pulls me aside, and askes me "do you know what is going on here?". Of course, I had no idea what she was talking about, and asked her to explain. She informed me that this man was actually hitting on me. Well, that is interesting. I thought that he just spent the last 40 minutes helping me shop because he loves clothes, not because he loves men.

Well, I got yelled at (by Chelsea) for leading him on... so that was one of the most twisted lessons I have learned in a while: "Don't lead a man on. It's just not nice".

I am quickly getting tired. Well, before I go, I want to inform you that I wrote a book. Go ahead and support me (and the $7 balance in my bank account) and purchase the book. Here is a picture of the cover - this will give you a good idea.

I apologize for mentally/emotionally scarring all of you.
Now that I have made a complete fool of myself...

I think I am going to go to sleep. Farewell my friends.

Rock and be Rocked.

Matt

I have been rocked. Hard.

This is going to be a post about things that rock me.
Before beginning, I will explain what it is like to be rocked:
- You know that feeling that you get when you just begin eating a big piece of pizza after being hungry for hours on end? That feeling is called "being rocked".

- After a huge burp, you've rocked not only yourself, but everyone around you.

- When you listen to an amazing song that you haven't heard in a long time (like Hanson's "Mmmbop") and you go totally crazy because of the sheer sweetness of the song, you've been rocked. Speaking of Hanson, get ready to be rocked.



I would definitely date the girl on the left.

Additionally, you are rocked when something crazy or life changing occurs in your life. Something crazy like wrecking your car, getting fired for committing a felony at the workplace, being punched in the face while sleeping, or finding out that you have an irreversible/untreated case of irritable bowel syndrome. So, that being said, being rocked can have both positive and negative connotations. But it is usually a good thing. I will make sure to distinguish between the two.

Anyway. You have got a pretty good idea of what it means to be rocked now, I believe.

So, things that have rocked me this week are as follows (I will also indicate the level of rockage from 1-5; 1 being quasi-rocked to 5 which indicates being rocked so hard that it causes severe instant mental retardation):


1. This week, I have had the opportunity to get to further develop relationships with some amazing individuals here in Columbus. These individuals are as follows (Please don't be offended if I don't list you. I mean seriously. You know I love you.):

• Brian Estabrook: This man, as I stated earlier, may as well be my father (no offense to my actual father, of course.). He smells of fresh roses and lavender. And his voice is about as pleasing as a good calf massage. He has enlightened me in many ways, and officially belongs on the list of people who have deeply affected my life as a Christian.
• My Brother, Aaron: He just left for Purdue again, but he is still in my heart. Talk about a great brother. The love we have for each other is so deep, it is almost unnatural. Okay, I take that back. It is definitely unnatural.
• Sarah Sweigard: She just left for Argentina. I never really got the chance to get to know her very well, until this past week. She's a wise woman of God, and I truly appreciate the advice and encouragement she offered me before she left for her missions trip. But I feel like she is only friends with me to use me. Hmmmmmmmm.
• Kelli Thompson: Courageous Kelli Thompson! She got 12 inches of her hair hacked off, and donated it. So I finally got to see the results of the minor hair trim, and I must say, I was very impressed - b-e-a-utiful. (by the way, this haircut rocked her...see how how this works?). That aside, I had a fantastic time hanging out with her at the LCT cast party. My only regret is that she had to depart and work on a research paper. Bahhhhhhhhh!

I am a lucky man. Listed above are 4 of those one-in-a-million people - down-right genuine people. Seeing as the chance of meeting a one-in-a-million person is obviously 1/1000000, simple mathematics reveal that I have basically defied probability. The chance of meeting 4 of these people is 1 out of 1 x 10^24. Wow. I was rocked just typing that. When considering the level of rockage, I was going to rate it as a 5, but I do not believe that I suffered mental damage, so I am forced to rate it as a 4. Level of Rockage: 4


2. I ate, for the first time in years, Count Chocula cereal. After eating it, I lost control of all bodily functions, out of sheer bliss. Needless to say, it was a mess, but it was definitely worth it. I also went permanently numb on the left side of my body, so it is safe to say that I suffered brain damage. Level of Rockage: 5


3. I saw someone on the street who looked exactly like Burt Reynolds. I went ahead and threw a huge piece of firewood at his knees. I was rocked. Level of Rockage: 3

4. I realized that I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I am deeply questioning the plans I have for my future, realizing that my plans are selfish and meaningless. I don't want to spend my life merely making money. That seems like such a bloody waste of a life that could be used solely to serve and spread the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. So I am deeply rocked. My soul is distressed. So on that note, I would greatly appreciate prayer and insight. Level of Rockage: 5

So wow. I think I just posted a huge post.
So keep rockin' my friends. Thanks for rockin' me.

In closing, I would like to report some tragic news.
It has been reported that Snuffleupagus, the huge hairy elephant of Sesame Street, has been murdered.

You can read the full article here.

Farewell.
-M@
May he rest in peace.

Here's a Jingle for Goldfish, I Wrote a Song for Goldfish...

So it's 12:47 Am, and I should not be staying up writing a stupid blog post. But I am. Why?

Well, this picture will explain it all.



Any idea who the fat man is? Neither do I. But, he has a beard and is holding possibly the largest goldfish I have ever seen. So why is this relevant to the post? It's because this man inspired me. He inspired me to never sleep again. Let me explain...
I was surfing the world wide web tonight, and came across this picture randomly. I fear that if I do as much as take a nap again, I will have the most horrific dream. A dream about a fat man with a monsterous goldfish. This is terribly frightning for two reasons...

1. Goldfish are supposed to be little, helpless fish living in a bowl. That thing is a beast. That thing could probably bite my face open (which could actually be a postitive step for my acne problem).

2. That man is far to happy about his catch. And he has some pretty sickening facial hair. The reason this is frightening is because my brother recently had some pretty traumatizing facial hair... would you want to be reminded of THIS every time you close your eyes?!



So that is why I am still awake at what is now 1:00 Am. That's right...what is happening to me is what is called sleep deprivation. Several things to keep in mind about not sleeping...all from experts on the subject such as The Hamburglar and Snuffleupagus.


1. "Sleep deprivation is highly unhealthy and should not be attempted under free will. Lack of sleep may result in irritability, blurred vision, slurred speech, memory lapses, overall confusion, hallucinations, nausea, psychosis, and eventually death." (Overall confusion and hallucinations are basically normal behavior for me...but wow...some of the other side effects - "death" - sound kind of serious. Hmm...So it looks like what I am doing could also be called "SUICIDE").

2. Total sleep deprivation in rats leads to death in around 28 days (Well, I'm not a rat, but I am guessing that this news still wouldn't be able to filed in the catagory of "good news".)

3. Sleep deprivation has been shown to increase a man's chance to develop "ED". (GREEEEAAATTTT....I will refrain from commenting on that one.)


So considering all of that information, I am going to go ahead and go to sleep... I will just have to deal with dreams of frightening gold-fishermen with big beards.

Annnnnnnnnnnddddddd out.

The First Second Post in Matt Huber's Blogging History

So, before blogging away, I have to take care of some essentials.
I would like to begin by apologizing to those offended by my previous post. I must say, I don't regret scribbling all of you out with red paint, but I do regret the fact that you are upset with me. I hope you don't take it personally. But seriously; I really enjoyed hanging out with all of ya, and look forward to next time (and believe me! There IS a next time in planning!).

So that aside...
I would like to preface this blog entry with a completely irrelevant picture. I decided that I may as well make a complete fool of myself before proceeding. So here we go.



Yeah. Lets just say that one gets really bored when cooped up in a house for too long.

ANYWAY.....

So I just realized that I have no idea what I am going to do once I am out of high school, which is a relatively big problem. But I prefer, for now, to just pray about it and not let the worry consume me. Just a little bit of a news update there.

Last night I had a great conversation with someone we all know as "Kelli Thompson". She's quite an impressive human being, to say the very least. God has really been blessing me with some really genuine, down to earth, and caring friends. So anyway...she just cut 12 inches off of her hair and donated it to Locks of Love. WOW! Needless to say, I am very anxious to see how it looks. That's a lot of hair. If I cut off 12 inches of my hair, I would have like negative 5 inches of hair, which doesn't make too much sense. GOOOO KELLI THOMPSON!!! CUT THAT HAIR!

I'm an idiot.

So I woke up this morning at 7:30 and I didn't really want to get up at that very second, so I decided to turn the alarm off and "just lie down" for a "couple" of minutes. Well a couple of minutes eventually turned into an hour. As I looked at the clock, I realized that I was running very late for my lecture at OSU. I got up, got my clothes on really quickly, and headed out to my car. Well, as I turned on good ol' State Route 62, I realized that I wasn't really running late, but in fact an hour early. IIIIDDDIIOOOTTTT! So I went back home immediately and ate some Special K and decided to waste my time blogging or whatever I am doing right now.

I really need to brush my teeth. My mouth tastes like...burning plastic. Or something along those lines.

So apparently Ariel Sharon is having a bad day, which is a shame. Doctors say that he has no chance of recovering. Upon hearing that this morning, I realized that I have a pretty good life. I mean...I have amazing friends, a guitar, a pretty neat-o big brother who has recently been emotionally annihilated and has decided to become a metrosexual, I have clothes on my back, and I don't have a massive hemorrhage in my brain. So I guess things are going better for me than they are for Mr. Sharon. I think that if Ariel Sharon and I played a basketball game, he would probably beat me though. But it would be close. Very close. Because I am known for my ability to tear out some sweet massive dunks. I'm not sure if you know this, but I once jumped right over this building (with a running start):



Which means my vertical jump is pretty much incredible.

Well...this has been an eventful, but remarkably stupid post. I can settle with that though.

And so it begins...

Well, there was a day when I promised myself that I would never have a blog; I simply wouldn't "lower myself" to posting information about my life and myself as a person on a public page on the internet. Well here I am. What has happened to me? Well, as far as I see it, there are three possibilities:
1. I have accepted blogs as an acceptable method of communication, and no longer view it as a pathetic waste of time.
2. I am currently posessed by a demon of some sort.
3. Brian Estabrook is my "Tiny Dancer". Hold me closer, tiny dancer...

Well, I am not quite sure what #3 has to do with anything, but I do know that Brian does have the uncanny ability to "bust a move".

There's a good chance that if nobody wants to marry me within the next 5 years, I will just go ahead and be adopted by Brian Estabrook, and become his son. My name would be Matthew Jacob Estabrook. I might even get really drastic and change my first name to something like Eduardo. Why Eduardo? Well, I'll let the following picture speak for itself.

Okay...this is a picture from this year's homecoming at my old friend's school. Her name is Chelsea Martin; she lives in Greenville, Ohio (near Dayton) and she's the girl standing next to me (this whole homecoming story is a long one, so I will refrain from telling it today). Well, right next to us are three of Chelsea's friends. They are very nice girls, but I scribbled them out because they aren't relevant to this post. NOW...the Venezuelan stud to the right...yeah...that's Eduardo. Holy crap. He makes us all look bad. AND...he can dance.

Enough said.

So Eduardo Jacob Estabrook it is.


Check it out...here's my current life lesson. God has really impressed the following verse upon my heart:

(Rom 15:1) We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

God really spoke to me through this... I used to be really weak in my faith, and altogether insecure about who I was - God has since given me an incredible security in Him and as a result given me some experiences that I can use to minister to others with.
I have been learning that we who are stong (in our faith, in our selves, or in any other way whether it be spiritually, socially, mentally or emotionally) have a responsibility to bear with ("bear with" properly means "to lift up" according to Barnes' commentary) their weaknesses and failings even when it means lifting them up at the cost of our own comfort and enjoyment.

Just think about it...good stuff.

Well there it is...the first post. It's a long one. May as well start it with gusto.
Farewell.